i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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