We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
