I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
