no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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