I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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