i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
