margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We had sex on a dog bed..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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