FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
