She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im holly from the hills drunk
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
