just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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