I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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