nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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