hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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