We're facebook friends in real life
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
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