So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize