I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
