I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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