Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
