So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
