i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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