I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
