Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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