There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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