You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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