why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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