She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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