I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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