Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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