yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The power of my boobs compel you
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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