I just made out with a guy for $7.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
