Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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