I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Barsexuality is the new black.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
