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I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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