Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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