I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
