I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
