It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
