how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
