im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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