i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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