I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
