Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
