I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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