i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i was born a porn star she said
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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