I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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