Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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