I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The adults are the big ones right?
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