kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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