Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
