So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's blow job season.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
