I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
