I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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