It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You are the jesus of drinking
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
