grandma shit on top of the toilet
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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