Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
