We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
