new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
