There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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