i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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