Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
