great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
