Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
