Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
