There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
