i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
