your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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