Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
did i just pee glitter
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