It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
