You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
