Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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