Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
