she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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