My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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